Step 1 – We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable. (BB, pg. 59 )
It’s been one month and 2 days since I posted and I should be over 30 days without a cigarette. But, of course, I am not.
In the past month, I haven’t been able to go longer than 2 days without breaking down and satiating the cravings. I have purchased and thrown away several packs; as well as purchased and smoked several packs. I’ve reset my quit date in my quit smoking app a gazillion times and wouldn’t you know, I just did AGAIN! I made it about 20 hours before the opportunity presented itself and I was lighting up.
What’s wrong with me!?!?!?!
HA! I’m kidding. Nothing is WRONG with me, I’m just an addict.
I’m an addict who normally needs to be backed into a corner before taking the steps necessary to make a serious change.
An addict who walks the line as long as I can until something really bad happens and I am forced to change.
An addict who has been in recovery long enough to know NOW that there is no “easier, softer way” to drastic change. I MUST be willing to do whatever it takes and as I said in my last post, I want to 12 step this bitch, so let’s get on with it already.
But before I do, I need to let another skeleton out of the closet because, well, this is the “Recovery Relapse Series” and I’ve hit another milestone not many people know about and that is this:
Today, September 16th, 2019, marks 1 whole year clean from Adderall.
You guys…I so want to talk about this right now but I can’t. It’s late and it’s not on topic. We’re talking about my cig addiction right now, the one I’m still fighting to quit! But my Adderall addiction is a huge part of my story and if I’m being totally honest, this blog wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for Adderall.
Sooooooo, yeah, I gotta talk about it. But, like I said, later, ok?
I gotta go smoke ANOTHER final cig, destroy ANOTHER pack of cigarettes & change my date AGAIN before hitting the hay.
Step 1 – I am powerless over cigarettes and my life has become unmanageable.
P.S. In case you were wondering, I’m still a grateful recovering alcoholic who has been AF for 7.46 years and practices MMR (for now) and goes to AA.
That’s 89.60 months without wine…
…2,727 days without a cocktail &
65,447 hours without a single drop of alcohol touching my dry, wrinkled 39 year old smoker lips.
Yeah, no, I’m still keeping my date sobriety date…for now.